From Mr. Show: “The Joke: The Musical.”
Basically my favorite thing ever.
2012 Summer Olympics Preview Part 1: Swimming
After the 6-month weed and Axe body spray bender he went on immediately following the sex crimes he committed on all competitors in Beijing (which inspired an episode of Law & Order S.V.U. guest-starring Dane Cook), Michael Phelps has spent the past 3 years further shaping his weird, triangle-shaped body to his horrifying isosceles goal. Just last month he visited Guatemala’s #1 most-requested bone-shaper (previously Japan’s #1 least-accredited surgeon/fugitive). Dr. Ichirō Santos melded Phelps’s feet into one ultra-smooth conical point and lowered his skull into his chest cavity. Phelps can no longer walk on land, breathe without mechanical assistance, or function mentally but for constant injections of stem cells harvested from the psychics Minority Report was based on. However, his Cronenbergian aspirations have made him into a disgusting aerodynamic ideal only previous seen in string-theory physicists’ fever dreams. Analysts predict that after he once again face-fucks anyone who dares set foot in a pool, Phelps will die in a South London brothel after overdosing on a mixture of Jagerbombs, Afghani hashish, military-grade cocaine, and a highly-concentrated liquid form of “essence of Ed Hardy.”
Oh. Hell. Yes.
Trailer for Sorkin’s new HBO series, The Newsroom. Makes me feel all tingly inside.
April dates announced! Paired with THE BACHELOR: Romance, Roses, and Romance on the 6th and Dog Fleet on the 25th. Tickets on sale soon!
Here to Help Episode 24 : Brian Glidewell & Stephanie Streisand
Brian and I were guests on Andy Rocco’s funny podcast. Brian, one of the nicest guys in the world, talks about a time he totally kicked a guy’s ass. I talk about how I was expelled in High School a month into my freshman year. And we both talk about Newsadoozies!
Speaking of Newsadoozies…We have a show tonight at 8pm at UCB! We’re paired with Naked People! It’s going to be a good night! Come out!
Will Hines: 3-17-12
I witnessed a shirtless man punch a truck before 1 PM.
Agreed.
I was nervous about being in DC on St. Patrick’s Day, but then was shocked (SHOCKED!) to witness not one single act of drunken horribleness. Lot of folks wearing green, even a crazy costume (worn by an adorable Filipino mom), but everyone was enjoying the spring weather.
I forgot that in some parts of the country, this is a peaceful holiday, but in New York, St. Patrick’s Day brings out the worst in the worst people. I also wish it would die a thousand stabby deaths.
March 17th is my official annual reminder of the things that I will never miss about living in New York City. I hate St. Patrick’s Day. Hate is a strong word, ladies and gents, but I shan’t mince here. I HATE St. Patrick’s Day. I have nothing but love and affection for the Irish people and I love Bushmill’s and Guinness a bit more than I should, but St. Patrick’s Day can go drunkenly rape itself in a freezing subway tunnel and give itself a blistering case jolly green herpes.
Get on the L train at the 8th avenue stop at 10:30pm.
A tough guy in his early 30s is telling an older drunk guy - 50s? - to stop sleeping on the subway bench. “Cause people want to fuckin’ sit there, that’s why.”
Older drunk guy asks if he wants to get hit in the face.
Tough guy asks older guy…
Future of the Left - “sheena is a t-shirt salesman”
From the upcoming album, The Plot Against Common Sense. These guys keeps getting harder and better. So good.
I used some of the voodoo TV capturing magic I’ve learned from work to get the wonderful segment on the UCB from tonight’s Rock Center. Here it is for everyone who, like me, was totally gonna set their DVR’s but forgot.
ps. If you are reading this, work for NBC, and want me to take this down, just let me know and I’ll gladly do so.
Nice!
I like that the ultimate conclusion of this UCB segment was that there’s nothing wrong with Arby’s.
Look at my face! My face is in this!
I don’t read a lot of science-fiction, but holy crap, The Rook. Funny, exciting, and lots of extremely clever sci-fi schtick. I hope this ends up a BBC series or something. This needs to be the nextHunger Games (though I guess it’s not young-adult).
